I started out with nothing, and still have most of it left.

So I’m sitting here, at 2:30 in the morning, with Midget at my feet, and watching mindless episodes of Dawson’s Creek. I’ve had a pretty good day. I showered, which if you know how my life has been going lately, personal hygiene hasn’t been on the top of my list of things to do. I hung out with Katie Pearce, who just might be the best friend I’ve ever had. I saw Emily Oppelt, who has no idea how much I enjoyed catching up with her. I’m not really sure what’s going on with my life, but I know it’s changing. I mean, I know I’M changing. In many ways, and I don’t even think I’m aware of all of the ways I’ve already changed. I wear dark nail polish, such as purples and browns, and don’t really think much of it. I worship (not really, but close to it) shows like The OC, Dawson’s Creek, and Everwood. When I do shower, I put on make-up, such as eyeliner and lip gloss, and not just on special occasions. I cry quite a bit, but not in front of other people. The events with my parents have led me down a path of uncertainty about boys and marriage in general. But, like any other girl I want to feel special and needed, but I just don’t see that in my cards any time soon, and that’s alright. Right now, I just need good friends and supportive people surrounding me. I’ve taken to listening to a lot of My Chemical Romance, Panic! At the Disco, and Hellogoodbye; aka “emo” music. But I’m not emo. I’m looking forward to embracing one of the beauties of college; the fresh start each new semester brings. I miss performing more than ever, but I realize that part of my life is over. And as it saddens me, I know I’ll never fully grasp the concept of growing up, I think I’m making a start. Life hasn’t been easy lately, but then again, when is it? I’m looking forward to the new year, and the new beginning it brings. So here’s to you 2006. As fabulous as it was, I’m looking forward to the excitement and uncertainty that 2007 will bring.

I think it's only fitting to end this with a Dawson's Creek quote that I love, and will love until the day I die.

Joey: [Voice Over] And now that this scared little girl no longer follows me wherever I go, I miss her. I do. 'Cause there are things I wanna tell her-- to relax, to lighten up, that it is all going to be ok. I want her to know that meeting people who like you, who understand you, who actually accept you for who you are, will become an increasingly rare occurrence. The people who contributed to who I am, they are with me wherever I go, and as history gets rewritten in small ways with each passing day, my love for them only grows. Because the truth is... it was the best of times. Mistakes were made, hearts were broken, harsh lessons learned, but all of that has receded into fond memory now. How does it happen? Why are we so quick to forget the bad and romanticize the good? Maybe it's because we need to believe that the time we spent together actually meant something, that we were there for each other in a time in our lives that defined us all, a time in our lives that we will never forget. I can't swear this is exactly how it happened. But this is how it felt.

We went and saw Santa with Haley, Kasey, and Michael today. It was definitely odd, not having Dad or Grama there.

This picture, above, is of us this year.

And this one, above, is of us last year. It's amazing how much we have all changed. Hair lengths and styles, heights, and for some of us, weights. And just how mature Sarah now looks. Good grief, we're growing up.

Here we all are.

The Weber 4.

I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas!

Raise a glass and tell some lies--I was almost honest

I've spent hours upon hours trying to find some sort of quote or song lyric to describe my life and how I've been feeling these past few weeks and months. And I've found a few, but nothing that seems close to acurate. I've had this thing for a while about putting information out on the interenet and how it's just not a good idea, but lately I'm understanding that it's my perogative what I share with people over the world wide web. So here it is, the part of my life I'm willing to share with everyone.

My heart hurts. My mom said it best, it feels like my heart is breaking in so many differnt ways and for so many different reasons. If you're reading this you know the major reasons, and I'm still really not handeling everything very well at all. I spend a good deal of time crying and hurting for my parents, mostly my mom. My dad has pretty much left her, and my Grama is pretty sick in the hospital. Work is bearing down hard, and on top of everything she's playing the part of a single mom in a house she's really not able to care for on her own. Its hard, and as her children we're stuck in between all of it. It hurts, it's hard, and I don't know how to deal with it all. And I feel guilty because I get to leave for weeks on end and not have to deal with any of this, but when I come home it all hits me like a ton of bricks. And everytime I come home, it seems just as hard, if not harder than the time before.

I've grown so much in the area of friendship in the past 3 months. I broke up with the guy I had been dating for a couple months. I'm at a place in my life where a boyfriend isn't helpful, at least not in this case. I just need friends, supportive friends. Him living 100 miles away from Columbus was more of a burden and long distance relationships are hard. Ultimately, this is the right thing. My family needs me, and I need to get myself together before I can think about having a relationship. But I couldn't have asked for a better support system in Columbus. I have the best friends who would do most anything for me. I love them to death and feel so blessed to have them in my life.

I want change. For the good. I suppose some descisions I've made lately have been hasty, but something in my life has to change or else I'm going to be miserable. It's Christmas. And I want things that can't be bought.